It’s beginning to dawn on Americans that there’s a big difference between running a successful political campaign and actually governing a nation. The loyal opposition tried to warn the voting public that Obama had zero zip nada executive experience. The Guy was a “brilliant” wonk with a flare for oratory and a knack for raising campaign donations but Who, in His entire life, had never run any company, organization or office. But his defenders countered with, “yes, but look at how he’s run his amazing campaign”. Obama, Himself, cited this as evidence that He had “executive experience”.

Fast forward to the present. We’re now witnessing President Obama flailing about, desperately trying this strategy or that to screw up—er, fix—the economy, sending out contradictory messages—we should be afraid, no, wait, we shouldn’t be afraid—and still struggling to assemble His cabinet (after an embarrassing number of missteps).

One fact remains. His presidency is truly historic. He is, after all, the first Affirmative Action President in our nation’s history. I can already hear the indignant rants: “racist!” Even now I can hear the PC Patrol banging down my front door. (Incidentally, Obama represents another historical first: He’s the first president ever to use a teleprompter and a pre-determined list of journalists to call upon in an attempt to get through a press conference.)

But if the term “racist” applies, it sticks to the liberals—the ones who invented “affirmative action” in the first place—who were hell-bent on making sure that an African-American of dubious character with a shady past and an anemic résumé be elevated to the highest office in the land at any cost, for the sheer historical novelty of such an eventuality. The pathetic (and criminal?) malfeasance of the media in propping up Obama during the campaign is well-documented. The myth-making machinery was thrust into high gear to sell us The One. All that mattered was that an African-American won the election because it was, after all, only fair. It was time. Obama was due. This was The Change we had all, presumably, been waiting for.

Barry Obama is not without talent or intelligence. He certainly has charm. But He was hired for a job He was woefully inadequately prepared for, a fact even His soaring (and increasingly boring and disjointed) rhetoric cannot dispel. Anybody’s entitled to a few mistakes at a new job but, let’s face it, The Kid-In-Chief is out of His depth.

Even before His inauguration, President-Elect Obama was being heaped with praise by the punditariat for how rapidly and decisively He was acting to form His cabinet. Never in the history of our nation had a president acted with such dispatch to assemble a team of brilliant confidants who would help Him tackle head-on the most difficult situation America had ever faced. He hadn’t even been sworn in yet as Our Dear Leader and already His cabinet was taking shape. The message was clear: He would be ready to hit the ground running to deal swiftly with the enormity of the unprecedented crisis threatening our very existence.

Well, now almost three months into His administration, He’s still trying to complete the appointments of those who would comprise His cabinet. His Secretary of The Treasury, Timmy Geithner, is still woefully understaffed. One would think that this important position, first and foremost, would be shored up with all the talented and dedicated people needed to help Mr. Geithner execute his office at this critical juncture. Other cabinet appointees, as well, are yet to be named.

It turns out that Barry’s remarkable achievements in assembling His team were slightly overstated. The dirty little secret is out: it would be easy for any president, in record time, to throw together willy-nilly a bunch of rag-tag public servants when you don’t bother to vet them first. In Obama’s case, this is particularly fitting when you consider that He, Himself, wasn’t properly vetted.

BH₂O

What manner of Man is this that even the elements are named after Him? Thus did the people wonder after The One.- The Book of Lucas (Chapter 13: Verse 21)

It’s now confirmed that three of the elements appearing on the Periodic Table are to be renamed. By scientific consensus—the methodology currently favored by paranoid and sanctimonious scientists—the following elements of our Universe, after approximately fifteen billion years, will now be renamed. Boron (black in appearance) will now be known as the substance Barack (also black in appearance). Hydrogen, the building block of the Cosmos, is now named Hussein. And Oxygen, the very essence of life, henceforth shall be called Obama.

Off the record, a White House spokesperson, when asked to comment on this coup by the radical nomenclators, noted that this was even cooler than Barry’s being nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Already alchemists are feverishly working, combining these three elements in innumerable ways, hoping to turn worthless Treasury notes into gold. So far, however, they’ve only managed to come up with a gelatinous substance that disturbingly looks like Spam^® and a gaseous vapor with an uncanny and embarrassing resemblance to methane.