Posted by
Lucas J. Boy on Tuesday, March 03, 2009 9:50:19 AM
BH2O
What manner of Man is this that even the elements are named after Him? Thus did the people wonder after The One.- The Book of Lucas (Chapter 13: Verse 21)
It’s now confirmed that three of the elements appearing on the Periodic Table are to be renamed. By scientific consensus—the methodology currently favored by paranoid and sanctimonious scientists—the following elements of our Universe, after approximately fifteen billion years, will now be renamed. Boron (black in appearance) will now be known as the substance Barack (also black in appearance). Hydrogen, the building block of the Cosmos, is now named Hussein. And Oxygen, the very essence of life, henceforth shall be called Obama.
Off the record, a White House spokesperson, when asked to comment on this coup by the radical nomenclators, noted that this was even cooler than Barry’s being nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize.
Already alchemists are feverishly working, combining these three elements in innumerable ways, hoping to turn worthless Treasury notes into gold. So far, however, they’ve only managed to come up with a gelatinous substance that disturbingly looks like Spam® and a gaseous vapor with an uncanny and embarrassing resemblance to methane.