Posted by
Lucas J. Boy on Sunday, July 12, 2009 3:47:07 PM
Yes, that’s right. I want to confess my hate crime.
A few days ago I shamelessly forwarded to a few friends a photo of our president appearing to be casting a lustful eye toward a passing derriere in a crowd. As a red-blooded All-American heterosexual, I found the president's glance completely understandable. (I empathized—to use a liberal buzz word now in currency—with our president.) In that one fleeting moment, I bonded with Barack Obama in a very special way (even though I rarely bond with Barry otherwise). I was standing shoulder-to-shoulder, mano-a-mano, with my president, embracing our common manhood. Or so I thought.
But now I find out from MSNBC that I was part of a right-wing smear campaign to embarrass our president, that I was promoting a “racist stereotype of an oversexed black man being a predator.” Yep. I confess. That's exactly what I was thinking when I first saw the rather whimsical photo. Salivating at the prospect, I could not wait to pass the photo along in my crusade to fuel racial hatred in this country.
MSNBC went on to declare that millions of right-wing nutters (such as myself, apparently) were gleefully coming up with all sorts of hate-filled and racist captions for the now-controversial photo. Let the record show that my caption—really more a thought balloon springing from Obama’s orbicular head—was: “Drill for oil? No way! But I wouldn't mind tapping that!”
One could deduce from my mildly salacious caption that I was merely indicating a salient reality about men—all men, not just “predatory” black men: we—I’m speaking now for the heterosexual community—like women! If there was any bias against Barack Obama, I was simply poking fun at his stubborn refusal to pursue a comprehensive energy policy which included domestic drilling.
However, if one were to deduce such relatively benign motivations from my clever little caption, one would be wrong because The Oracle, MSNBC, has so declared.
So I humbly apologize to Dear Leader.
(In my defense, it takes a big man to admit when he’s wrong.)
As an intriguing footnote, there's a new theory emerging about the incident in L'Aquila. Alas, if this new interpretation of events were to turn out to be true, it would still not help my case. That’s the beauty of prosecuting a hate crime: you can, by divining—get out the goat entrails—the guilty party’s innermost thoughts, still nail the miscreant on intent even if the circumstantial evidence tends to exonerate. In any event, experts have analyzed the video and theorize that Barack's downward glance is better explained by the stick of chewing gum he'd clumsily dropped on the pavement. It's not inconceivable. After all, he was only bending over to pick up yet another stick of gum which he'd fumbled when he met the Saudi Prince. And some people actually thought he'd bowed in deference to the Islamic potentate!