Seems our beloved Barry has a thing for hot sauce. Amazing when you consider the First Cool Cucumber never seems to break a sweat—unless His teleprompter stalls. A contributor at Big Hollywood recently was soliciting from the viewers possible brand names for the various hot sauces enjoyed by Mr. Obama. On good authority, here’s some of Barack’s favorites—all discovered in the White House pantry:

• Uncle Joe’s Soviet-Style Red Sauce—enjoyed by Commies worldwide for more than eighty years!

• Colonel “El Jeffe” Obama’s Stimulatin’ Hot Sauce—guaranteed to make you sweat more than the national debt! 

• Zelayla’s Zesty Honduran-Style Hot Sauce—guaranteed to foment revolution in Latin America and in your gastro-intestinal tract!

• Chef Algore’s “Green” Tomatilla Sauce—it’s globally warmed! It’s HOT and getting hotter every time the Gore family turns on their lights!

• Slick Willy’s Arkansas-Style Hoochie-Coochie Hot Sauce—cures ED and facilitates date-rape!

• Mohammed’s Fermented & Fomented Jihadist Juice—a hot sauce guaranteed to get your Muslim blood boiling! And it’s halal-certified.

• Old El Pelosi Hot Sauce—a CIA favorite! (But Madame Speaker still insists they’re lying.)

• 'Bamster's Original “Banana Republic” Hot Sauce—goes great with those fried plantains!

• Saul Alinsky's Chicago-Style Hot Sauce—it's rad! (Warning: may agitate your stomach.)

• Timmy Geithner's “Toxic Assets” Brew—so hot, it's guaranteed to burn a whole in your gut and in the Treasury!

• Barry's Bitchin’ Bailout Bayou Blend—a hot sauce brewed in the swamp for a quagmired economy!

• Reverend Jeremiah's “God#@%, That's Hot!” Sauce—so hot, whitey, you'll look forward to burning in Hell!

• Grandpa Obama's Kickin' Kenyan Hot Sauce—don't forget to serve it the next time you sacrifice a goat to The One!

• Sotomayor's Santeria-Style Special Hot Sauce—that fiery magical elixir for when you're in the hot seat and need to appear more conservative than Clarence Thomas!

• Rahm Emmanuel's “%#@*!&#?^<*$#!#@%#!!!!!!!! 'n” Hothead Sauce—goes great with foul!

• Barack’s Sizzlin’ “Campaign” Hot Sauce (FDA warning: bottles are empty except for media-approved hot air. EPA warning: excessive hot air could melt the polar ice caps.)

• ACORN’s Flamin’ “Flim-Flam” Hot Sauce—the perfect condiment when you’re out stealing votes!

• Hillary’s “Naughty” Combustible Hot Sauce—one drop and you, too, will explode and start swearing like a sailor!

• Planned Parenthood’s Scalding Hot Sauce—delicious! AND can be used as an abortifiant (even better than saline solution!).

• Kim Jong Ill’s “Goin’ Nuclear” Hot Sauce—too hot even for Barry Obama!

• Sarah Palin’s REALLY HOT Sauce (Warning: after ingesting, liberals have been known to experience psychotic episodes.)

• Jumpin’ Joe Biden’s “Hot Foot” Hot Sauce—perfect for those times when you put your foot in your mouth and want to add a little spice. (Warning: side effects include goofiness, a pronounced tendency to tell “whoppers” and, in extreme cases, may lead to diarrhea of the mouth.)

• NEW from Sarah Palin’s kitchen, Alaskan “Caliente Caribou” Hot Sauce—your PETA friends will love it! (Tip: try serving it with stuffed PETA pockets!)

• Benny Netanyahu’s Kickin’ Kosher Hot Sauce—next time try a little on your Gaza Strip steak! (NOTE: this is the one hot sauce President Obama reportedly detests.)

• Hezbollah’s “Exploding Camel” Hot Sauce—perfect for when you suicide bombers need to muster a little more courage! Enjoy it while it lasts (because you won’t).

• Bernadette Dorhn’s Incendiary Hot Sauce—even better than C4 when you want to take down a federal building!

• Michelle Obama’s Piqued Picante Sauce—blended with bitter herbs grown in her White House garden!

• Blathering Bab’s “Blazing Bilge” Hot Sauce—the perfect condiment for when you’re hosting Hollywood parties attended by bilious ticked-off celebs! (Alec, Sean, Matt and Janeane all swear by it.)

• Chef Algore’s Fearsome “Methane Mash” Globally-Heated Hot Sauce—threatens to raise your body temperature by 30 degrees by the end of the century! AND, before tax, only $2.95 a bottle! (Disclaimer: after tax, $502.95 per bottle.)

• Havana’s “Tropical Swelter” Habanero Chili Sauce—it’s kept Fidel alive this long! (It sure wasn’t Cuba’s “world-class” health care system.)

• Perez Hilton’s “Flaming Gay” Hot Sauce—adds bite when you’re dissing beauty queens!

• Joe Wilson’s Nigerian “Yellow Cake” JuJu Sauce—guaranteed to ignite the anti-war crowd and inflame the already rabid Bush-bashers!

• Napolitano’s “Pyric Paranoia” Picante Sauce—a favorite among liberals wary of ordinary Americans! (DHS WARNING to all conservatives: “The heat is on”.)

• Fanny Mae’s Hot “Magma Meltdown” Sauce—makes a great fire accelerant when you’re facing foreclosure and want to torch your house!

• Mahmoud’s Vaporizing Radioactive “Enriched Eruption” Hot Sauce—savored by the peace-loving Iranians of Tehran! A little goes a long way toward ensuring that explosive blast of flavor! Allahu Akbar!

• Hugo Chavez’s Boiling “Caldera de Revolución” Chili Pepper Sauce—guaranteed to ward off Third World insurrectile dysfunction! Bring your nation to an insurrecting boil with Hugo’s delectable inferno!

• Direct from the Lolo Soetero Family Recipe Book, Indonesian “Bali Blaster” Hot Sauce—the perfect primer for blowing up infidel luxury resorts!

• Obama’s Special Edition “Public Option” Hot Sauce—being rushed into production, folks, just in time. It will cure everything from the common cold to degenerative hip joints to cancer! (It better.) AND it works as an anesthesia so you won’t care one way or another.

• Tired of all the hot sauces? Try something really mild. Try the new Obama’s Nuclear-Lite Sauce. But hurry, inventories might not last.

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling a bout of indigestion coming on.